Lost and found
by loopy-1981
Summary: What happens when Xander leaves the house? * SEQUAL TO REGRETS*


Title: Lost and found  
Author: Loopy_1981  
Email: loopy_1981@yahoo.com  
Feedback: I`ll beg, I`ll pleed, honestly!!! I need feedback :)  
Raiting: R * I used rude words*  
Pairing: Xander/Angel  
Disclaimer: Their mine I tell you mine, mine, mine!!! **evil laughf** okay naa some god named joss owns them :)  
Summary: What happens after Xander leaves the house?  
Sequal: Yes there will be a sequal it isn't written, but there eventually will be one!!!  
Series: Yes this is part of a series this story follows regrets wich follows too afraid, you might want to read them first other wise this might not make much sence :) series is yet unnamed hints ideas?  
Notes: un beted, spell checked and my 'attempt' at editingany one wanna beta it? Email me! loopy_1981@yahoo.com  
Dedicated to: Everyone say thanks to Morrigushout for the title!!! Who is the best! With out Morrigushouts help it would be titleless or have some doggy title. 

~Xanders pov~

The ground beneath me would feel hard and uncomfortable if my body wasn't already numb from pain.

People walk around me like I'm not even here, like I'm invisible, silently wishing that it were true, wishing that I am invisible so maybe I can escape the memories. I watch as numerous feet pass me by, the occasional set dodging to avoid me.

Maybe I'm not as invisible as I hoped.

One set suddenly stops and talks to me, unable to understand them because my mind is to focused on the ache inside me to hear the words.

I hear the phrase _Wake up it can't be real, oh god no! _Being chanted inside my mind.

The person who is talking to me bends down and places their hand on my shoulder, I recoil from the touch. Feeling their skin burning mine, I jump up and flee the crowd, running away from the stares, I run to escape them, to escape them all, running away from the memories, I run trying to forget, but find I'm remembering.

Thump...thump...thump. My heart beats faster and faster which is impossible since it was broken today NO! I will not think about that!

Tears roll down my face blurring my view, unable to escape the pain inside. Slowly my legs begin to ache and my breath comes in short gasps. I stop suddenly to retrieve my air, looking around me and see a park; I walk over and find a bench to sit down on. 

Alone with my thoughts, I let myself go over the day, wishing something was different, wishing it wasn't so, wishing it didn't happen.

Bursting into tears once more, silently crying to myself. Almost aching from the agony inside.

Lost in my thoughts I don't hear someone approach me.

"Xander?"

Why did he do it? Why did he push me out? Whywhy! Deep down I know the answers, I know I caused it. Wanting it to be different, denying the truth to myself.

"Xander?"

I can't hear you, go away, if I can't hear you then it's not real, it didn't happen, leave me alone!

"Xander it's me, it's Willow."

Looking up at the person in front of me, my eyes glistening with tears, I focus on the set of familiar emerald eyes in front of me.

"Wills?" Barely able to make the word out, my voice cracks.

"Yes Xander it's me, Angel called me, what happened?"

My heart stops and breaks againhow could he, why didn't I say it! 

"NoAngel?" His name slips out of my mouth as if it were a whisper.

My shoulders slump and I lay my chest on my knees, I wrap my arms around them and begin to rock slowly.

I hear Willow sit down on the bench next to me, and I begin to weep.

"Shh Xander, I've got you, Shh." 

I Feel her arms wrap around me, drawing me close to her.

Moments go by and nothing is said, she simply holds me, silently letting me know that it's okay, silently telling me we will figure it out even though she doesn't know what it is yet.

Somewhere inside me forgives her for not believing me when we were younger, I mean my parents were great actors around others. I know it was more shock then hurt, which has caused me not to want to trust her again. I was more shocked that she didn't believe me then hurt. She had nothing to go by other then my word, besides even if she did believe me what could she do? I don't know maybe I'm making excuses, maybe I was never ready to give up on her believing in me? Maybe it is time I forgive her and opened up to her again? Am I ready? 

Maybe it's a step I can take, tell herand then maybe I can tell Angel.

I begin to move slowly, sitting up I turn and face Willow, I look into her eyes, noticing so much difference there then when we were younger. 

Showing indication of change letting me know I can trust her again.

"Wehe told me to get out, he told me to leave Willow. He" my voice quivers as I begin to cry once more, as I remember the fight. Unable to forget how he was to me, so cold, so harsh. Her arms wrap around me drawing me into a hug.

Her hands gently stroke my back, fingers running down my back only to run back up again, massaging my back like she's attempting to make it better, attempting to take the pain away.

"He was so cold to me Wills, I have never heard him like that before, I drove him to that! Me I did it!"

Trying hard to compose myself, trying to stop from breaking down again, breathing deeply I close my eyes and swallow the knot in my throat, I hear her voice whisper in my ear, whispering words of comfort.

"I did it Willow, how could I do that?"

"How did you drive him to that Xander?"

"I couldn'tI didn't, I deniedI said maybe I didn't and he became cold and" My voice stops at the memory of how he was toward me. Remembering him, something in side me snaps at the memory of him, letting me admit to myself that I miss him.   
"Howis he?"

"He sounded as bad as you feel, he's worried about you Xander, he loves you"

Interrupting her before she can say any more "I KNOW THAT! That's basically what this is all about! Christ, I can fucking feel it! I feel it Willow, even now after I ruined everything, I can still feel how much he loves me I feel it inside me Willow, it's consumed me Wills and I want more! I can't get enough of it." My voice drops to almost a whisper. "I can't get enough of him." Suddenly I feel like something has left me, leaving me feeling lighter. 

"What exactly happened Xander?"

She wants me to go into it detail by detail, knowing I need to, wondering if I can.

"Wills, II don't know howyes I doit happened, andI don't know! Willow." Teardrops roll down my face, incapable of telling if they are from pain or from frustration.

Productive Xander real productive

"Shh Xander. Shh" Her hands run across my face, wiping up some of my tears, her lips kiss my forehead gently before she whispers. "Would you like to go home to talk about this Xander?"

"Home? I don't have one Willow" Oh god I don't have a home I'm homeless.

"Xander my home is always your home no matter what, come home and we'll get you warmed up and fed and you can finish the story okay?"

Sighing in relief that I have Willow right now, thankful that I have somewhere to be, that I have a home, even if it isn't the one I dreamed of it's a home. I feel her comforting embrace leave me, her hand grabbing hold of mine, lacing our fingers together, slowly we step off the bench and she leads us towards home

~Fins~ 

*Be kind and review*


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